DAY 10

*iMessage from Bey*

Bey: Sorry I lost the Samsung but also DROPPED THE BOMB ON EM! 12:14am

Bey:¬†http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6qk1AFH9Y4 12:15am

Bey: just kiddin i love you babe! fuck these cupcakes tho….. 12:16am

*sends video of Blue and Nori Freestyling for Kanye’s next album*

DAY 8

*Jay receives texts from Bey*

"Got a ?" 11:23am

"Sup Bey? Miss you and the Blue. Dame says whattup." 11:23am

"Are hush puppies vegan?" 11:24am

"BEY NO. COME ON! Don’t tell me you ate that shit!" 11:26am

"Sorry just saw this. Think I musta forgot how to read cuz can’t imagine you cussin at me nigga." 7:39pm

DAY 7

*Beyonce walks into bedroom seemingly calm and in good spirits. She is ki ki-ing on the phone. Jay looks up as she hangs up while laughing*

Jay: “What’s so funny?”

Bey: “You might wanna hit ya boy Obama on the text. He about to be vegan too.”

*Bey tosses weave over her shoulder and walks out of room laughing. Jay makes puzzled face and looks for phone. Sees 7 missed calls and 23 iMessages from Da Boy Barry*

DAY 6

*Bey’s playing with Blue and her Jeff Koons dog on the closet floor. Jay walks in*

Jay: “Hey babe, you wanna go to lunch today?”

Bey: “Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and thought you were a deep fried chicken thigh and right before I chewed through your wrists like an episode of Scandal….”

*Jay walks out of the closet and room*

DAY 5

*Jay walks into bedroom. Blue Ivy stops smashing Damien Hirst skull on the ground*

*Hey baby, where’s mommy?”

*Blue gives Jay blank stare, grabs KAWS doll and starts chewing on head*

*Jay looks up at closed closet door and sees hand-written sign “ONLY REAL NIGGAS ALLOWED - B”, looks down at Blue. Blue kanyeshrugs.*